Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
