The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize