i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
BRING THE BAGELS
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
