that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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