I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We need a shit load of segways right now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
