Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am one with the molecules
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
