have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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