He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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