I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
