Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
being pregnant is like rehab
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
