I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
