i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
