is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
