CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
