Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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