nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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