just come out here and I will go home with you...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
