I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
