What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
