you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
