it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
