i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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