I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need to sanitize my soul.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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