it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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