your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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