make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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