Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
