Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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