i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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