Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
