Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
