there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Found the puke drawer
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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