Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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