I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
