..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
