Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the raccoons are back...
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