Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
