Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
