So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
