i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
