You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
