I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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