what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
