i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
