i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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