u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
