I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
