yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize