you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
