You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
