Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
