I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
