i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
