I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
