what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
