She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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