I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize