the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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