How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
