is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
