I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
