last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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