So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
