We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I haven't been this sober since birth.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
