i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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