i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
