i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
