Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
