There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
