She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
