If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
its liver damage thursday
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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