I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
