Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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