tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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