I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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