Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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