he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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