i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
