That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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