The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
